Historically we’ve had it all wrong, when it comes to what the Ego is. It turns out it’s nothing like we thought. The Ego is actually a separate entity, an independent aspect of the self, that exists inside of us. It is a real being–and the reason I know that, is because I can communicate with it.
The Ego self-identifies as female or male, (which seems to have nothing much to do with sexual orientation) independently of the gender of their person. A man can have a female Ego, in other words, or vice versa, or the Ego can have the same gender as the person. This was a very surprising bit of news, all on its own.
When we made the plan to come into this world, we invited the Ego to join us on the adventure. The Ego’s purpose and function has historically been to support us in our decision to feel all the intense negative feelings and emotions this world has to offer: to be fearful, judge, get angry, jealous, have low self-esteem, or experience any negative emotion in this life. This is historically what we always asked the Ego to be responsible for. (And then of course we would hate it and shun it for “causing all our unhappiness.”)
But it actually doesn’t have to be this way. This is the old way of the Ego–and I have learned that it is sick of living this way! He/She wants so much to be welcomed and loved by us.
Before it becomes Integrated and whole, a person’s Ego is usually unconscious. Which explains a lot! Before Integration, our relationship with the Ego is completely dysfunctional. You can think of the unintegrated, unappreciated Ego as being like a jealous girlfriend or boyfriend. This jealous person loves you and will try to protect you…but it also works hard to control you and keep you from blossoming into who you really are. It genuinely feels it has no choice but to react negatively, and try to sabotage your happiness, because this is the only way it knows how to get your attention.
Now, imagine that your Ego can turn into your dream partner. All you have to do is respect and love the Ego and invite them to hang out with you. You’ll be amazed at how your Ego will jump at the chance to be ‘seen’ and valued by you. For those of us who have been working with our own Ego, we’ve discovered an entirely new and wonderful way of living–and it is permanent! A new relationship with the Ego where the Ego is appreciated and cherished…and in turn it happily gets onto the same page as you. It wants for you, what you want for you, and it will do its very best to help you. This becomes a mutually beneficial partnership that has real, true joy in it.
Like any worthwhile partnership, this takes some work. You need to make the first move, extend the olive branch to your Ego…at least a little bit. This can only be done by you, no one can do it for you. Begin by including the Ego in at least one activity per day. For instance, the next time you go to work, ask the Ego if they would like to join you. After work, you can invite the Ego to come and have a drink with you or eat dinner together. At night, you can invite the Ego to watch a movie with you. Before you go to bed, you can ask the Ego to dream with you. For the Ego it’s a dream come true to be valued and invited to be a part of your life. And you can let the relationship build from there.
For those who don’t understand how to approach the Ego or what to say, you can say: “Hi Ego, how are you? I would like to ask you to join me in _______.” (Every area of your life that you feel comfortable with.)
It may take a little patience at first, but if you stick with it you will be amazed at the reception you get. And I promise you, the joy of building a relationship with this new inner friend is like nothing else. Give it a try, see what you think.